On the Joy of Reconciliation for the Christian
Reconciliation
is an easy word in concept but a difficult word in practice. Why?
We too often don’t actually understand what reconciliation is and have
forgotten what reconciliation means. Instead,
we have bastardized the word to make it suit our own needs and demands. In so doing we have lost the joy of this
blessed practice. For its sole goal is
to offer forgiveness and love for our neighbor. Man has lost the desire for the truth and
instead only desires to be right at the expense of the Word of God. Man then seeks to make the Word captive to
his thoughts rather than hearing what the Word of God has to say.
The
Misuse of the Word
Take
a case in point. Just recently (January
3, 2020) the United Methodist Church (UMC) reached an agreement to split
because the UMC desires to practice homosexuality. They are paying off those who are opposed to
homosexuality by giving these churches $25 million to leave the UMC and start a
new denomination. They called this “agreement” the “Protocol of Reconciliation
and Grace Through Separation”. This
protocol was developed because the UMC and its members “are at an impasse after
careful reflection, discussion and prayer”.
They recognized that the UMC and its members “have fundamental
differences regarding their understanding and interpretation of Scripture,
theology and practice.”
This
is the same kind of language used in divorce.
Figuring out how to get out of marriage is not reconciliation! That is NOT reconciliation folks! In the case of the UMC paying the more
conservative group to go away, they are seeking to be able to continue to
practice their errant behavior. This is
the type of ridiculous, unscriptural practices that exists in too many churches
today.
In
our own LCMS, we pass resolution after resolution at our national convention,
but many churches are allowed to do whatever they want without discipline. Also in the LCMS, too many churches seek to
remove their pastor for unscriptural reasons, giving the pastor a severance
package, and are permitted, (maybe even encouraged) to do so by district
bureaucracy. Then that local church and
its bureaucracy pats itself on the back saying look at how we have reconciled
with the pastor! Think about how members
reconcile with their pastor/church and then leave to another neighboring church
because they “just don’t fit in there” or that pastor is just not my cup of tea. None of these situations are a practicing of
reconciliation, but many proclaim it as so.
It should come as no surprise then when Christians do not know how to be
reconciled either.
What is Reconciliation?
So
what then is reconciliation? At its
fundamental roots reconciliation is coming back together in fellowship with one
another after error has been recognized and forgiveness has been given. It is to reestablish proper friendly
interpersonal relations after these have been disrupted or broken. The
components of this involve (1) disruption of friendly relations because of (2)
presumed or real provocation, (3) overt behavior designed to remove hostility,
and (4) restoration of original friendly relations. The precise definition of
the Greek words used is the reestablishment of an interrupted or broken
relationship or the exchange of hostility for a friendly relationship, to be
restored to normal relations or harmony with someone. In each of these definitions reconciliation
is the restoration of the relationship that one had before there was
disruption.
What
does Scripture teach us about reconciliation?
First, we must understand our own self.
You are at odds with God. No, it
is stronger than that, every single person is destined to hell. Every single person needs to be reconciled to
God. Why? It is because every single person is a sinner. In your sin, you are not just at odds with
God, but are his enemy. God cannot stand
to have sinners in his presence. To be
in his presence means your death. When
we finally recognize the severity of how our relationship with God is in
disorder, it leads you to ask the question, “What do I need to do to be
reconciled with God? You do nothing. You can do nothing. There is nothing in your power to fix the
problem.
Well,
that sounds hopeless, and it would be if Jesus Christ had not come into the
picture. Without Jesus reconciliation
with God would have been impossible. The
only reason you are able to be reconciled is because God desired to be right
with us. Here is what Paul teaches us in Romans 5:8-11, “God shows his love
for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since,
therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved
by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled
to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we
be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord
Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”
Reconciliation, therefore, is reliant on one
simple gift earned for us by Jesus Christ: Grace. The undeserved love and kindness of Jesus
breaches the dividing wall of hostility and impossible chasm brought about by
our sin. Grace is the gift that we do
not deserve and often shun but it is by grace alone through Christ’s atonement that
reconciliation happens with God.
We were at such great odds with God that only by
the death of Jesus are we made right with God.
If you think about this, that we were destined for God’s wrath, for his
eternal enmity, you realize how great is the reconciliation won for us. Notice also that the wrath of God is not
appeased by what you do; it is appeased only by the work of Jesus Christ. You are no longer an enemy of God. Not only have you been saved, but you have
received sonship.
The blessing of our relationship that we have
received
Paul confirms this membership in God’s household
as he says in Ephesians 2:14-19, “For he himself is our peace, who has made us
both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility… and might reconcile us
both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility…So
then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with
the saints and members of the household of God.” You are gathered together with all the
saints, called to believe and be part of the household of God.
So also, Colossians 2:19-22, “For in him (Jesus) all
the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to
himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of
his cross. And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil
deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to
present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him.” You are presented as blameless before
God. Can you imagine not having anyone
hold your sin against you? But this is
what you, the believer, are guaranteed to have done for you.
Paul
shows us that having now received reconciliation from God we are called to be
reconciled with one another as he teaches in 2 Corinthians 5:18-21, “All this is from
God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of
reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself,
not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of
reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal
through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our
sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the
righteousness of God.”
He gives us pastors to work the office of the
keys whereby they lock and unlock God’s forgiveness, delivering God’s gift of
reconciliation, forgiving everyone of their sin through Word and Sacrament. In so doing, you are called then to be
reconciled to God. Do not loathe God and
his precious gifts of forgiveness but rather repent and believe. The call to repent is none other than a
precious gift of Jesus Christ. To
confess your sin and believe that Jesus Christ takes your sins, everyone’s sin,
upon himself and dies for them so that God would make us his own.
What are we able to do now that we have been
reconciled to God?
Since
it is not only possible but certain than man has been reconciled to God through
Christ; how much more so is reconciliation between two people a blessed
reality! In Matthew 5:23-24 Jesus says, “So
if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother
has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First
be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Jesus is referring to the offering of a
sacrifice to God, for the forgiveness of sins or in thanksgiving for
forgiveness.”
The
word for reconciliation here has a particular bend that both people would
renounce their hostility towards each other!
Notice how the man who is offering the sacrifice sees the other person
as: a brother. These are not just random
people. It is between two
believers. Your ability to be reconciled
with a fellow Christian, with one whom you are in fellowship with, is based
solely on the fact of the previous reconciliation we have discussed, that of
your heavenly Father to no longer be at enmity with you but rather chose to
make you his children.
For
when you consider the offender your brother, your desire is to be with him,
spend time with him, love him. You
cannot do that if you are irreconciled.
Here we must understand the dynamic of how fellow Christians are
related. You are not just two strangers
in the church. You are not two people
who have no relationship. In fact, your
relationship is deeper than you can imagine.
You are not just neighbors, certainly not fellow members of a club, and not
even friends.
A
family of God
You
are family. How are you family with someone
with whom you do not share in flesh and blood?
You have been adopted into the family of God, through Baptism, having
been born from above. In fact, you have
united not by your blood, but by the blood of Jesus Christ! Purchased and won from sin, death, and the devil. In another analogy, your freedom from slavery
has been procured and your procurer loves you so much that not only did he
redeem you to free you but he claims you as his own. In this is your reconciliation with one
another that much more important!
As
children of God, when someone has sinned against you, you don’t get separated
from one another. In reality you cannot, you are all on one big ride together, the car is full, and there is no separating. Rather you get
gathered together in order to reconcile.
You cannot argue that the analogy of separating those siblings who are
fighting is part of reconciling. This
would be poor parenting. It is a refusal of the parents to deal with
the issue at hand of two siblings fighting with one another. Also, next time you observe two siblings
fighting notice what they argue over…it is almost always something
trivial. Ultimately if you separate the children out the only thing that will happen is that they will involve the other children into the dispute and instead of a car ride of loving Christians you have a car of factions. Don't believe me? Just read 1 Corinthians! One big church full of factions because they refused to reconcile!
So
if the parent separates the siblings but never gets to the point of the fight and
what happens? There is no repentance, no
forgiveness. No love. But we are called to love one another. 1 John 3:10 says, “It is evident who are the
children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not
practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his
brother.” He then expands on this in 1
John 4:20-21, “If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a
liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God
whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God
must also love his brother.”
This
time, bring a bucket of rocks or a bat. It
is easy for us to throw words at each other, to tell others how evil someone
is, and to write about how I wish they were never born. If they want to fight, let them fight! But they aren’t going to want to throw rocks
at each other or hit each other with a bat.
They recognize this is wrong. In
so doing you then can help them see how their verbal fighting and hatred of
each other is also wrong. To speak so
wickedly of one another, to ignore someone as if they didn’t exist is not
loving, in fact, it is murder.
Now
that is extreme, I understand, but we must realize that separating the sinners does
not equate with reconciliation. It
doesn’t solve the issue, only actually talking through the issue, that solves
it. Now here comes the final part of
reconciliation between two individuals.
One is admitting wrong. The
person who has caused offense may need to realize how they have erred, but the reality is the person who is offended is
not necessarily the right person! They
may be completely wrong! Therein lies
the hardest part in reconciliation.
Being able to admit you were wrong, to actually listen clearly and see
how you are the cause of the issue, and the person you were “offended” by
actually is the one who is right.
Forgive
and Forget?
This
brings us to the second and best part of reconciliation—forgiveness. You. because you are Christian, have the
opportunity and responsibility to forgive.
When one confesses sin, the other MUST forgive. And I do not mean should, or think about it,
or still harbor a grudge, after forgiving, but rather complete
forgiveness. This is all rooted in what
we discussed earlier: forgiveness of your brother is possible because God, in
Christ, was reconciled to you. And where
sin is forgiven, it is forgotten.
Can
you imagine God saying, “I forgive you, but I will never forget.”? That is tantamount to God saying, you still
stand condemned, because for God to remember your sin, would require him to keep
you out of his presence. He is a holy
God, meaning he is not just without sin, but he hates sin! If God would not forget your sin, there is no
heaven for you. Likewise to hold your
brother’s sin over him, to say, “I forgive you but I will never forget,” is to
continue to harbor hatred against him. Can
you imagine God saying I forgive you, let us go our separate ways? Life without
God, is no life at all, just like it is no life without your fellow brother in
Christ.
But
you say, “It’s so hard to forget what he did!”
Yes, that is true. That is part
of our sinful nature. For this you, too,
must repent. Repenting is a great thing
as we have already discussed. For only a
believer can repent.
How
many times though do I need to be reconciled to my brother? He keeps doing it, but as soon as I point it
out he says, forgive me, I wish to do better!
Do I have to keep forgiving him?
Here remember what Jesus teaches Peter in Matthew 18. “Peter came to Jesus and said, ‘Lord, how often
will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven
times, but seventy-seven times.’” Jesus
point: you don’t get to keep track.
Every time he repents you forgive him, because he remains your brother.
Restore your
relationship. It is what Christians do.
Finally, what does true, Biblical reconciliation
look like? It is as we stated in the
beginning. It is a restoration of the
relationship. It is not an agreement to
go your separate ways. What was your
relationship before the fight began? In
the case of two brothers feuding in a family, it is to come together and eat a
meal together in the same house. It is a
place where there is no tension, but rather a desire to spend time
together.
(It is true that not every case can end in such a
happy ending, for example the rapist, murderer, or abuser may be reconciled but
it would be best that he or she not be around the victim. But this is a small minority, and we dare not
claim that the one who has sinned against me has abused me just because he has
sinned. We do not use the exception to
nullify the rule/purpose of reconciliation.)
So also in the case of two members of the same church:
it is to commune together at the same altar, it is to worship together as
fellow saints. Nothing short of this is
reconciliation. Anything else is a
termination of fellowship. In essence,
it is an excommunication of one or the other.
In the case of the UMC, one group of churches leaving is not
reconciliation, it is excommunication.
This is why in the LCMS we need to take reconciliation more seriously
and really strive for it. We cannot
stand idly by and agree to disagree. We
cannot pretend that issues do not exist and we certainly cannot allow them to
continue. The Church lives and dies with
reconciliation. For Christ lived to die
so that we would be reconciled to God, why would we expect anything different
for us.
Conclusion
Is any of this easy? Not on your own it isn’t. In fact, on your own it is impossible! Here is where your reconciliation with a
fellow brother in Christ is so important.
He is your fellow brother in Christ.
There is no option to ignore the problem. Now is the time to deal with the
problem. There is a saying that time
heals all wounds. That is wrong. Time
also allows for wounds to fester. With
enough time, the infection of sin will lead to the death of a saint. Is that where we want to be? Never!
If your brother has offended you, you need to go
and sit down with him and help him understand the problem, the real problem. Too often we make a side issue the problem while the real problem is ignored. He may need to ask forgiveness from you when
he realizes his sin, but don’t be so hasty going in expecting him to ask
forgiveness. The reality is, you may be
the one who needs to ask for forgiveness because you took offense where no sin
occurred. In the end though, don’t let
the wound fester. Really, truly,
forgive. Seek to live out your vocation
in the place where God has placed you.
Live a life of love towards your brother and rejoice, Christ has died
for you to make you reconciled to God!
